Educating under the shadow of war

Ten tips for people who live with children
after September 11 2002

by Jan Durk Tuinier and Geu Visser

The terror attacks in the United States have affected all of us. Not only because of the large number of victims and the grief of their surviving relatives, but also because of the tragic conclusion that violence seems to be appallingly effective. Although history should have taught us that violence does not pay off in the long run the seeds of fear and uncertainty have been sown in the hearts and minds of the people.

Nobody can tell what will happen and it is exactly this kind of uncertainty that can make young children afraid. Older children tend to mask their fear by turning to tough language and radical statements. They try and create some sense of certainty for themselves by taking firm stances. The educators try and make the best of it but are doubting. And this doubt is felt very clearly by children. The recent events have affected the very core of their existence. This can be threatening, but it also creates new chances for us to seize. Ten tips for people handling children.

1. Time and space

Children under the age of seven have no notion of space yet. They cannot locate America or Afgha

nistan. They are unable to form an idea of ‘the other end of the world’. Television brings everything into our living room and does not make a distinction between ages and educational levels. Young children experience the events as really lifelike. This is why trying to reassure them by simply explaining what happens in the world will not be very effective. They do not react to the mere facts but to the feelings lying underneath. It is hence not advisable to watch the reports on the attacks or on the violence in the presence of young children.

2. Security

Young children will especially be afraid if they notice that their parents are worried too. They are used to trusting the adults around them blindly. This also goes for their teachers at school. Children can be afraid that their parents will be hit in an attack, that their parents will no longer be there when they leave school. The answer of the educator to the fear of the children should therefore be one of creating a sense of security. They can, for example, confirm that their parents will come and pick them up soon. However, talking and explaining will not do. A safe atmosphere and a sense of security must also be felt.

3. Fixed patterns

Children can feel the uncertainty of their parents, their fears and their doubts. Children will feel insecure when their parents start behaving differently. It is important for young children that the fixed and safe patterns are continued. Read a familiar bedtime story and have the birthday party as planned. Play a game once in a while and have your meals together instead of taking your plate and eating in front of the television.

4. TV-diet

The normal life of children is mainly disturbed if the television is switched on permanently. Children will become insecure when live images are broadcast thus showing us the events as they are taking place. Indeed, something unexpected can happen at any moment. It is obvious that the unpredictability will not contribute to the creation of a safe atmosphere.

5. Curious

Older children who can watch the news for young people are curious. They want to know everything. More information can reassure them. They will try to get a grip on the events by gathering even more information. There is no point in depriving curious children of information or in telling them fake certainties. Too little information will make them insecure. This uncertainty will even increase if they have the feeling that information is under a taboo. They will feel that there is more to it than they are told. The question whether the events that have occurred in America can take place here too can be answered positively. Children are quite able to incorporate this fact into their existence. Children will also talk about the risks among themselves. They do so on the basis of information. Sometimes this information is correct, and sometimes it is not. This is the consequence of the many speculations that are made in crisis situations. If a commentator on TV utters words as ‘nuclear weapons’ and ‘Third World War’, the children will adopt these concepts as being true and in an over-simplified way.

6. Sharing emotions

Some classes leave the TV on during live broadcasts. This is not advisable because of the tension that this will bring along for some children and because of the endless replays and speculations of the commentators. It is a good idea to watch TV together with the children at home. You can join them if they have a TV of their own in their bedroom. It is important to know and to share each other’s emotions. These emotions can reveal themselves as anger or sadness. Or as aggression towards the perpetrators and the groups of people that have contacts with these perpetrators. Sharing emotions should receive the main emphasis, but you can also complete the information or put the information in perspective by placing it in the right context.

7. Tough language

Children are entitled to an opinion of their own. They have the right to a different opinion. It can sometimes be better to tell children: ‘I will have to think about that’ than to challenge their opinion. Children often take radical stances. They are looking for solutions since they do not wish to surrender to powerlessness. Their solutions are sometimes over-simplified, which is quite understandable since there are no simple solutions. Children express their emotions by using tough language. This is a way of dealing with the situation. You should not try to agree with your children if your opinion is different from theirs. You can openly stick to your own values. Changing the opinion of your child by stating facts will often fail because feelings, images and prejudices are not rational. Your child will probably know better deep inside, but the emotion will prevail at this moment. You should not let the emotions become a breaking point between yourself and your children. We should realize that many children have now lost their innocence and that their carefree outlook on life has been cruelly disrupted. They will need time to resume their normal lives.

8. Scapegoats

A nation, a class group or a family that is afraid or uncertain because it seems as if the ground beneath their feet has been swept away will react. People will generally tend to direct their anger or aggression towards other people instead of recognizing their fear and uncertainty. They are looking for a culprit. An innocent party will be found guilty if a culprit is not found. Scapegoats are created. In the old times, a scapegoat used to be a real goat of which we can read a story in the bible, more specifically in the third book of Moses. The people met once a year on the occasion of a huge reconciliation ritual. All mistakes, sins and quarrels of the past year were forgiven and the innocent goat received all the blame. The weight of all sins was symbolically put on the shoulders of a goat by a priest. This is how the innocent animal became the scapegoat. The people were relieved, peace was maintained and the ranks were closed.

We no longer use an animal to regain our innocence these days, but we are creating scapegoats every day. The principle is time-honoured. This explains why mosques are daubed, why the windows of an Islamic school were smashed and why Muslims are called names. They are the scapegoats at this moment. They are innocent, but they have been declared guilty by youngsters and their parents who vent their emotions in this particular way. They also use it as an instrument to put themselves in the camp of the innocent. It is not ‘us’ who have done it, it is ‘them’. Explaining the scapegoat mechanism to children can help explain their behaviour or the behaviour of the people throwing bricks.

9. Prejudices

Everybody can become a scapegoat. But foreigners belonging to the ‘them’-group that is subject to prejudices are the easiest target. Prejudices are statements that are not true. We all have our prejudices but we are not born with them. We have acquired them and the great advantage thereof is that we can get rid of them too. We all have our opinions on Muslims, including those who have never discussed religion with a Muslim for more than one hour. Ask a child what an Indian is and you will hear nothing but stereotypes. Prejudices are in our minds and they are some kind of protection against excessive naïveté. We cannot escape the establishment of certain images, but we can become aware of our prejudices. Some people are better at it than others. But it is also something that you can learn at school. The existence of prejudices is a fact and they do not harm their subjects as long as they stay in our minds. It is only when these prejudices dominate our actions that the other party becomes the victim and that we can speak of insults or discrimination. Prejudices are fed by generalisations: what goes for one person, goes for the entire group. Generalisations can be avoided by learning to think in a well-balanced way. This is a great opportunity for the school to pay attention to the present crisis in a constructive way.

10. Hope springs eternal in the human breast

It is not easy, but we do not have any other option. People have again and again waged wars and violated human rights. Man has his dark streaks but his fantastic abilities too. People of all times and places have made peace and have respected human rights. This is an important perspective. Education is impossible without hope of a bearable future. Living on the basis of this hope entails that we accept the changeability of situations. However, our society cannot be shaped completely into an ideal. This leads to fake certainties and, in its most fanatical form, even to violence. Nevertheless, the fact that people can make peace means that situations can change. People can be taught peace. We can see how necessary this is in the world around us. Indeed, the only way of winning a war is by trying to avoid a war.